Cats and How One Day They Will Kill You
As I was falling asleep last night, I was abruptly pulled from my pre-sleeping fantasies about riding a Luck Dragon when I heard a terrifying “thunk, thunk, thunk” noise on the window.
So glad I already had this on my Facebook Profile
My bed is right next to said window. The window opens up to the small porch by my back door. So after a proper “whatthef&ckwasthat?!* in a terrified whisper, I have my boyfriend peek. He claims that there’s someone on the porch. I peek myself and see what I think is a white plastic bag with something in it that I don’t remember putting there. Fully terrified, I grab my cell phone and head out into the kitchen to look through the back door.
For some reason, the cellphone seemed more appropriate at the time than the heavy Maglite I keep on my bed side table.
I will not survive the Zombie Apocalypse
As I’m looking, a shape emerges from the shadows slowly at first and then quicker: It’s a white cat.
After a good laugh, my boyfriend and I return to bed. We decide to open the shade and see if the cat went away. Instead, it’s up on the railing by the window, staring down at us Edward Cullen style. We laugh again with a little bit of tension thrown in and lower the shade. I recommence my Luck Dragon sequence only to be interrupted once again by a *thunk, thunk, thunk*. Apparently the cat is scratching at the screen. I assume he’s trying to claw his way in and steal our souls.
I wish these shirts came in something other than teenybopper.
After throwing open the back door and hissing, I walk back to bed thinking ”How many times has this cat stared at our bedroom window in the dead of night?” and “Are cats just little furry Sun Tzus?”
Not including my own near cardiac arrest experiences, cats have been known to cause human deaths by tripping their owners, darting in front of cars, and suffocating babies. We can now add stalking to that list.
I love my own cat, but I don’t let myself forget for one second that the domestic cat is the only cat that hunts for fun and hunts over 1000 species.
They say don't fear the reaper, but I do.
Omegle and You!
Remember when your mother told you to never talk to strangers? Throw that narrow-minded crap out the window and immediately log onto Omegle!
Creating stranger danger since 2009
Launched this past March by a lonely 18-year-old from England, Omegle randomly pairs up users for a one-on-one chat. I’m sure the idea was originally paved with good intentions of bringing two people in a safe chat scenario that would never normally talk to one another.
People I'm probably talking to
Omegle does successfully bring back that thrill of the chat room. I felt like I was back in 1995 using my Dad’s Compuserve account on a dial-up network at 2am in the morning. The first time I logged on, I have to admit it was a bit of a rush.
Who I believe I'm talking to
Since then, I’ve noticed that using Omegle to have real conversations with people is FAR less interesting than using it as an exercise in flow writing and improv. The best way to utilize this idea is to start a conversation and write the very first sentence that pops into your head. Here’s an example:
Quick on the uptake, but loses points for thinking I was talking about football. Stranger Grade: B
Similar to stage improv, asking crazy and nonsensical questions of your stranger is a good way to string them along. It’s also the best way to avoid the A/S/L question as I’m not looking for a connection. You can generally tell within the first response whether or not you’ve hooked up with a good sport.
Got the joke and ran with it. Bonus points for ending the convo mid word. Stranger Grade: A
Thanks Omegle for making it easy and accessible to mess around with people’s heads!
-Morphiaflow
In the beginning…
Evolution of my expressionism
Although utterly delightful in person, I make no promises that my charm will translate though HTML. I can, however, make you one promise: I will not rant. I will leave that to other appropriate venues such as craigslist and IMDB.
Welcome, dear readers.
-Morphiaflow
