Cats and How One Day They Will Kill You

April 12, 2010 at 3:26 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

As I was falling asleep last night, I was abruptly pulled from my pre-sleeping fantasies about riding a Luck Dragon when I heard a terrifying “thunk, thunk, thunk” noise on the window.

So glad I already had this on my Facebook Profile

My bed is right next to said window. The window opens up to the small porch by my back door.  So after a proper “whatthef&ckwasthat?!* in a terrified whisper, I have my boyfriend peek. He claims that there’s someone on the porch.  I peek myself and see what I think is a white plastic bag with something in it that I don’t remember putting there.  Fully terrified, I grab my cell phone and head out into the kitchen to look through the back door.

For some reason, the cellphone seemed more appropriate at the time than the heavy Maglite I keep on my bed side table.

I will not survive the Zombie Apocalypse

As I’m looking, a shape emerges from the shadows slowly at first and then quicker: It’s a white cat.

After a good laugh, my boyfriend and I return to bed.  We decide to open the shade and see if the cat went away.  Instead, it’s up on the railing by the window, staring down at us Edward Cullen style.  We laugh again with a little bit of tension thrown in and lower the shade.  I recommence my Luck Dragon sequence only to be interrupted once again by a *thunk, thunk, thunk*.  Apparently the cat is scratching at the screen. I assume he’s trying to claw his way in and steal our souls.

I wish these shirts came in something other than teenybopper.

After throwing open the back door and hissing, I walk back to bed thinking  “How many times has this cat stared at our bedroom window in the dead of night?” and “Are cats just little furry Sun Tzus?”

Not including my own near cardiac arrest experiences, cats have been known to cause human deaths by tripping their owners, darting in front of cars, and suffocating babies.  We can now add stalking to that list.

I love my own cat, but I don’t let myself forget for one second that the domestic cat is the only cat that hunts for fun and hunts over 1000 species.

They say don't fear the reaper, but I do.


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